Superhuman, Michael Phelps, to Reinvigorate Events Industry With Many Events In His Honor


Michael Phelps, 22 time Olympic gold medalist, has given event planners around the world a lot of work to be done in creating many events in his honor. The first such event was held August 11 as he was brought back together with his estranged father, Poseidon. While Poseidon was reluctant at first to work with event planners to surprise his son, enough cajoling and sacrifices in his honor convinced him to participate. The audience could not have been happier.

However, this is only the beginning. Michael Phelps has also recently won his 13th individual gold medal, surpassing a record held by the ancient Greek Olympian, Leonidas of Rhodes. This Leonidas is not to be confused with Leonidas, King of Sparta, from the movie, 300, but here is a sort of picture of Gerard Butler anyway.

Event planners are already planning on throwing numerous events as Sir/Honorable/Prince/Demigod Phelps goes on his world tour where his greatness will be showered. Events are scheduled for Los Angeles, New York, Chicago, Paris, London, Rome, Tokyo, Moscow, Prague, Buenos Aires, Rio (yes, again. Why not?), Cairo, Singapore, you get the idea. Pretty much everywhere. Travel will not be an issue as Phelps is scheduled to swim to each location faster than an airplane.

While event planners now have their work cut out for them, common complaints are arising as to the logistics of the events. The laurel wreaths for Phelps have generally not been grand enough, red carpets made out of rubies are hard to find, and the gold scepters to be presented have only been 14 karat. Nonetheless, event planners are excited as there has not been this large of a coronation since Alexander the Great, who was also Greek like the Leonidas-es of both Rhodes and Sparta, and also from a movie, appropriately called Alexander. He’s been dead for quite some time but here is a picture of Colin Farrell, who played Alexander in the film, and is still alive.

Event planners are also raving about the prospect of many off-shoot conventions and conferences Phelps has inspired. So far, a cupping conference has been organized in several prominent cities across the world. Those confused regarding the circular looking welts on Phelps during some matches undoubtedly know by now that they were caused by the practice of cupping. While the procedure had questionable validity before, all countries have now deemed cupping the highest form of medical science and to be implemented for every known disease. Failure to do so will be punishable by death.

Another conference is planned regarding motivation. Phelps’ death stare before one of his matches, which turned all of his opponents to stone, is now being used as a tool for “How To Intimidate Your Enemies”.

And of course, let’s not forget baby Boomer Phelps who will turn 1 next year.  Many events are planned for little Boomer where his ceremonial headphones will now be bejeweled with diamonds.

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